The Worst Type of Gamers
These days, video game addictions are universal.
One would be hard pressed to find a single male from the age of 6-25 that doesn’t overindulge in at least one. And whenever a young man obsesses with this brain-rot, inevitably moronic conversation follows.
Whether this be shameless boasting of Halo 2 stats, moronic Counter-Strike babble, or constant bitching and moaning about breaking the Pacman record at an online arcade, it makes no difference.
The subsequent discussions bring out the most primordial and primitive in people; they are reduced to apes.
"Ooooh oooh aaahhh ahah, CS Halo 2! Ooga Ooga Ooga, PWNED!"
However, as bad as this get sometimes, there is one group of online gamers that loom large in their dominance of annoyance. One before which even the most annoying CS gamer prostrates as before a God, knowing he will never reach that plateau of irritance.
The Warcraft nerds.
Let me introduce the royal cast of Warcraft gamers at my school;
Level 4 Booger-Knight (BN for short):
Some people love sleeping. Others like eating or drinking. BN enjoys picking his nose and eating the boogers.
He constantly engages in this behavior; in class, in the library, during lunch, etc. For him, this activity is similar to the way sex is for most people. There are the short, quick pants of pain and pleasure as his finger is inserted into his orifice.
Then, the low, rythmic moans as the finger goes back and forth. Finally, there is the extreme orgasm of self-pleasure as, with quivering lips, he licks and then swallows the cum…. uhhhhh, I mean boogers!
His reaction to the criticism of others is that of a teenager reacting to a six year old who thinks that girls are "gross". Clearly, these people have never experienced the ecstasy of sex (finger nose fucking).
Level 9 Dinosaur-Alchemist (DA for short)
Ever heard the phrase "Fact is stranger than fiction"?
Perhaps you thought that was bullshit.
In that case, you have never met DA, a senior at my high school.
DA loves three things; dinosaurs, pandas, and sugar. He carries at least three pet dinosaurs with him at all times, and at least six for anything serious. His room is littered with stuffed pandas and dinosaurs, and his xanga is largely a recording of the exploits and interactions of his pet dinosaurs and pandas. Two full pages and 50+ pictures record the epic fight his dinosaur had with his friend’s rubber chicken.
He also steals Pepsis and Cokes from the school cafeteria whenever possible, accumulating a collection of at least fifty in his locker at any one time. Whenever a student wants a cold, sugary drink, he knows where to turn.
Then, there is his behavior. Random shouts of "SUGAR!", "DINOSAURS!", and "PANDAS!!!!" echoing throughout the entire hallway can only mean that DA is around. He plays Rock Paper Scissors with unusual energy for at least an hour every day after school.
There are other games. DA held a competition against a friend to see who could drink more salted water. He also eats sheets of paper and challenges others to try to beat the amount eaten.
Once DA drank 1.0 molar acid during a chemistry experiment.
"I just wanted to see what it would taste like!!" he explained to me.
Then again, there is his speech. He says "I am GAAAWWWDDDDDD!!!" every third sentence, and writes "God was here" on the board of every single classroom he visits. Everything he does is "godly", a well-written test paper is a "god performance". In fact, his speech consists primarily of a few phrases, repeated thousands of times a week;
"It COULD be worse"
"It COULD be better"
"Run AWAAAAYYY!!!!"
"You KILLLLEEEED it!"
"RAWWWRRR!!!!"
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"You IDIOTTTT!!!"
Note: The part in caps is screamed at the top of his lungs.
Level 25 Slut-Sorceress (SS for short)
Think of a hot, busty blonde with super tight jeans that are several sizes too small despite her long, slender legs. This blonde constantly spreads her legs wide in acrobatic positions, with her crotch gaping at anyone nearby, the dominant thing one sees. She looks you straight in the eyes, a seductive smile on her face as she thrusts her crotch several inches in front of her body over and over again.
Now, imagine that hot blonde is transformed into a small, pimple-infested, boy with a bowl hair cut, rashes all over his body, and a nose-picking addiction to rival the Booger-Knight.
But everything about the behavior, body movements, and clothes is the same.
You now have a good mental picture of SS.
Level 2 Wizard Gnome (WG)
In every class, there is the know-it-all who always raises his hand, interrupts you, and demonstrates how smart he is, even when he really isn’t. He is constantly despicable, cowardly, and irritating.
That kid has nothing on WG.
He takes it to a whole new level.
If he doesn’t get the entire classroom, including the teacher, to scream "SHUT UP!!!" as loud as they can, in unison, he has failed for the day. His constant monotonic babble, petty criticism, and overall dumbassery is unrivaled by anyone I have ever met.
These mighty warriors of Warcraft assemble every day after school to stage their legendary and majestic feats of arms. I recount, for the pleasure of the reader, a particularly noble quest;
SS: Come on guyssss…. let’s start the GAAMMEEE!!!! (Legs shoot out to opposite ends, his crotch thrusts forward. He cackles with laughter, his rashes redden)
BN: Ooooh, yeah… I’m going to use the mighty Level 15 Werewolves to attack you DA. Ha ha ha!
DA: You KILLLLLED it!
WG: …Come on now, do you really think that you can get away with that??…. Ha ha, I am the best… you have no chance…. Clearly, everything you do is futile….." (Starts shaking the other gamers’ laptops, dances up and down in his chair, pieces of saliva from his mouth fly in all directions)
BN: Unhhh… Unhhh…. Ahhhh, that is soooo good…. (WG’s saliva has turned him on, he is now nose-picking like a rabbit…)
DA: NOOOOO!!!! You IDIOT!!!! Don’t touch my laptop!! I am GAWWDDD!!! RAWWWRRRR!!!! (DA takes one of his plastic dinosaurs and repeatedly bashes WG in the face with it)
WG: "…. You baboooon…. stop being violent, such behavior is not tolerated at school. Besides, I find your topics of conversation to be boring. I would think up of something better, but I have homework to do…."
DA and SS: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!"
BN: "Uh..Uh…. Nuhhh…. Ahhhhh…. Ahhhh….. Ohh fuck yes…. Ohhh fuck yes…."
SS: "My level 4 Minotaur pack will obliterate you DA. Ha HAAA!" (Giant crotch thrust after that last word)
DA: "Run AWWWWAAAAAYYYYY!!!!"
WG: "No DA, you can’t run away, my super Dragon-Warriors will find you. Clearly, you have no chance…"
Suddenly, SS tucks his legs under him, then spreads them out slowly so that he is almost doing the splits.
BN is seriously turned on and before he knows it, he blows a huge wad of snot at the other gamers.
DA: "You IDIOTTTT….. Oh well, I guess it could be WORSEEE……" as he sees that the damage is only on the outside of his laptop, and has not gotten on either him or the interior.
WG: "Screw it, I won the game. I’m too good for everyone, even though I spend all day here. I’m going to prepare for Congress and my debate tournament now…."
He leaves.
SS, secretly pleased with the snot that caressed his rashes, (the most action he has ever gotten in his life) reddens even more, until he resembles a giant lobster, and a horny one at that.
He smiles a little smile at BN, tries to make coquettish eyes at him, but the BN is too intoxicated with his post-sex finger nose-fucking high.
DA decides this is a bit too much for him, since he reserves his sexual frustrations for his stuffed dinosaurs. He leaves, but not before he bumps into Jessica, the heroine of my last story.
Jessica strokes her hand through her hair, pushing it back behind her ear.
"Hey….."
DA looks at her for a while, measuring her against his hottest pet dinosaur.
The dinosaur wins.
"RAWWWWR!!!!!!! Run AWAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!"
One would be hard pressed to find a single male from the age of 6-25 that doesn’t overindulge in at least one. And whenever a young man obsesses with this brain-rot, inevitably moronic conversation follows.
Whether this be shameless boasting of Halo 2 stats, moronic Counter-Strike babble, or constant bitching and moaning about breaking the Pacman record at an online arcade, it makes no difference.
The subsequent discussions bring out the most primordial and primitive in people; they are reduced to apes.
"Ooooh oooh aaahhh ahah, CS Halo 2! Ooga Ooga Ooga, PWNED!"
However, as bad as this get sometimes, there is one group of online gamers that loom large in their dominance of annoyance. One before which even the most annoying CS gamer prostrates as before a God, knowing he will never reach that plateau of irritance.
The Warcraft nerds.
Let me introduce the royal cast of Warcraft gamers at my school;
Level 4 Booger-Knight (BN for short):
Some people love sleeping. Others like eating or drinking. BN enjoys picking his nose and eating the boogers.
He constantly engages in this behavior; in class, in the library, during lunch, etc. For him, this activity is similar to the way sex is for most people. There are the short, quick pants of pain and pleasure as his finger is inserted into his orifice.
Then, the low, rythmic moans as the finger goes back and forth. Finally, there is the extreme orgasm of self-pleasure as, with quivering lips, he licks and then swallows the cum…. uhhhhh, I mean boogers!
His reaction to the criticism of others is that of a teenager reacting to a six year old who thinks that girls are "gross". Clearly, these people have never experienced the ecstasy of sex (finger nose fucking).
Level 9 Dinosaur-Alchemist (DA for short)
Ever heard the phrase "Fact is stranger than fiction"?
Perhaps you thought that was bullshit.
In that case, you have never met DA, a senior at my high school.
DA loves three things; dinosaurs, pandas, and sugar. He carries at least three pet dinosaurs with him at all times, and at least six for anything serious. His room is littered with stuffed pandas and dinosaurs, and his xanga is largely a recording of the exploits and interactions of his pet dinosaurs and pandas. Two full pages and 50+ pictures record the epic fight his dinosaur had with his friend’s rubber chicken.
He also steals Pepsis and Cokes from the school cafeteria whenever possible, accumulating a collection of at least fifty in his locker at any one time. Whenever a student wants a cold, sugary drink, he knows where to turn.
Then, there is his behavior. Random shouts of "SUGAR!", "DINOSAURS!", and "PANDAS!!!!" echoing throughout the entire hallway can only mean that DA is around. He plays Rock Paper Scissors with unusual energy for at least an hour every day after school.
There are other games. DA held a competition against a friend to see who could drink more salted water. He also eats sheets of paper and challenges others to try to beat the amount eaten.
Once DA drank 1.0 molar acid during a chemistry experiment.
"I just wanted to see what it would taste like!!" he explained to me.
Then again, there is his speech. He says "I am GAAAWWWDDDDDD!!!" every third sentence, and writes "God was here" on the board of every single classroom he visits. Everything he does is "godly", a well-written test paper is a "god performance". In fact, his speech consists primarily of a few phrases, repeated thousands of times a week;
"It COULD be worse"
"It COULD be better"
"Run AWAAAAYYY!!!!"
"You KILLLLEEEED it!"
"RAWWWRRR!!!!"
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"You IDIOTTTT!!!"
Note: The part in caps is screamed at the top of his lungs.
Level 25 Slut-Sorceress (SS for short)
Think of a hot, busty blonde with super tight jeans that are several sizes too small despite her long, slender legs. This blonde constantly spreads her legs wide in acrobatic positions, with her crotch gaping at anyone nearby, the dominant thing one sees. She looks you straight in the eyes, a seductive smile on her face as she thrusts her crotch several inches in front of her body over and over again.
Now, imagine that hot blonde is transformed into a small, pimple-infested, boy with a bowl hair cut, rashes all over his body, and a nose-picking addiction to rival the Booger-Knight.
But everything about the behavior, body movements, and clothes is the same.
You now have a good mental picture of SS.
Level 2 Wizard Gnome (WG)
In every class, there is the know-it-all who always raises his hand, interrupts you, and demonstrates how smart he is, even when he really isn’t. He is constantly despicable, cowardly, and irritating.
That kid has nothing on WG.
He takes it to a whole new level.
If he doesn’t get the entire classroom, including the teacher, to scream "SHUT UP!!!" as loud as they can, in unison, he has failed for the day. His constant monotonic babble, petty criticism, and overall dumbassery is unrivaled by anyone I have ever met.
These mighty warriors of Warcraft assemble every day after school to stage their legendary and majestic feats of arms. I recount, for the pleasure of the reader, a particularly noble quest;
SS: Come on guyssss…. let’s start the GAAMMEEE!!!! (Legs shoot out to opposite ends, his crotch thrusts forward. He cackles with laughter, his rashes redden)
BN: Ooooh, yeah… I’m going to use the mighty Level 15 Werewolves to attack you DA. Ha ha ha!
DA: You KILLLLLED it!
WG: …Come on now, do you really think that you can get away with that??…. Ha ha, I am the best… you have no chance…. Clearly, everything you do is futile….." (Starts shaking the other gamers’ laptops, dances up and down in his chair, pieces of saliva from his mouth fly in all directions)
BN: Unhhh… Unhhh…. Ahhhh, that is soooo good…. (WG’s saliva has turned him on, he is now nose-picking like a rabbit…)
DA: NOOOOO!!!! You IDIOT!!!! Don’t touch my laptop!! I am GAWWDDD!!! RAWWWRRRR!!!! (DA takes one of his plastic dinosaurs and repeatedly bashes WG in the face with it)
WG: "…. You baboooon…. stop being violent, such behavior is not tolerated at school. Besides, I find your topics of conversation to be boring. I would think up of something better, but I have homework to do…."
DA and SS: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!"
BN: "Uh..Uh…. Nuhhh…. Ahhhhh…. Ahhhh….. Ohh fuck yes…. Ohhh fuck yes…."
SS: "My level 4 Minotaur pack will obliterate you DA. Ha HAAA!" (Giant crotch thrust after that last word)
DA: "Run AWWWWAAAAAYYYYY!!!!"
WG: "No DA, you can’t run away, my super Dragon-Warriors will find you. Clearly, you have no chance…"
Suddenly, SS tucks his legs under him, then spreads them out slowly so that he is almost doing the splits.
BN is seriously turned on and before he knows it, he blows a huge wad of snot at the other gamers.
DA: "You IDIOTTTT….. Oh well, I guess it could be WORSEEE……" as he sees that the damage is only on the outside of his laptop, and has not gotten on either him or the interior.
WG: "Screw it, I won the game. I’m too good for everyone, even though I spend all day here. I’m going to prepare for Congress and my debate tournament now…."
He leaves.
SS, secretly pleased with the snot that caressed his rashes, (the most action he has ever gotten in his life) reddens even more, until he resembles a giant lobster, and a horny one at that.
He smiles a little smile at BN, tries to make coquettish eyes at him, but the BN is too intoxicated with his post-sex finger nose-fucking high.
DA decides this is a bit too much for him, since he reserves his sexual frustrations for his stuffed dinosaurs. He leaves, but not before he bumps into Jessica, the heroine of my last story.
Jessica strokes her hand through her hair, pushing it back behind her ear.
"Hey….."
DA looks at her for a while, measuring her against his hottest pet dinosaur.
The dinosaur wins.
"RAWWWWR!!!!!!! Run AWAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!"
posted by KIMaster at
3:02 PM
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