Student Throws Up on Teacher

It's hard to believe I never did this myself, especially considering some of my high school teachers;

OLATHE, Kan. - A high school student convicted of battery for vomiting on his Spanish teacher has been ordered to spend the next four months cleaning up after people who throw up in police cars.

Johnson County Magistrate Judge Michael Farley said during the sentencing Tuesday that he considered the boy's actions "an assault upon the dignity of all teachers."

The teen, now 17, vomited on teacher David Young as he turned in his textbook on the last day of classes at Olathe Northwest High School. His attorney, Brian Costello, said the student vomited because he was nervous about his final exams.

But two other students testified that the teen said he threw up intentionally. One girl said he told her in advance that he planned to throw up on Young on the last day of school. The girl wasn't in class when the teen threw up, but she testified that the boy later told her, "You missed it. I did it."

Young said the student, who was failing his class, made no effort to avoid throwing up on him. "I was just sort of stunned," he said.

The Mother of all Scams

PALERMO, Italy (Reuters) - An Italian couple stole 50,000 euros from a woman in the Sicilian city of Palermo after convincing her they were vampires who would impregnate her with the son of the Anti-Christ if she did not pay them.

The man, a cabaret singer, and his girlfriend took the money from their victim over four years by selling her pills at 3,000 euros each that they said would abort the Anti-Christ's son.

Police uncovered the fraud after the 47-year-old woman's family became concerned when they discovered she had spent all her savings, local news agencies AGI and ANSA reported.

Florida Police Warn of the "Naked Tickler"

Florida is even more fucked up than California;

NEW SMYRNA BEACH, Fla. - Police are on the lookout for the naked tickler. Investigators said they believe one man could be responsible for a series of bizarre break-ins in which a naked man enters victims' rooms while they are sleeping and tries to tickle their feet.

The naked tickler struck again in New Smyrna Beach over the weekend.
Investigators have been working on five similar, unsolved cases since 2001. Most of the victims are women over age 60, said police Cmdr. Wade Kirby.

How People Reach This Site

I recently learned where visitors to this site come from.

Yahoo! and Google! searches for "Prostitutes in Berlin", "Woman Sex with Gorilla", "Melvin Davis, Redneck", "Thai Transexuals", and "Arab Sex" were prevalent.

Glad to satisfy your desires, ladies and gentlemen.

AIM Conversation Punking

I'm "dfs" (not my actual SN, obviously) in the following conversation, pretending to be a redneck Floridian with short-term memory loss. I wanted to know how Puerto's name was in my list of contacts. Mental confusion ensues.

By the way, is it just me, or are Rican Florida girls motherfucking illiterate?

dfs: Hello.

PuertoGurlz07: Hola.. who are u?

dfs: I was about to ask you the same question...

PuertoGurlz07: oh

dfs: I saw your name in my "Friends" list, but I have no clue who you are...

dfs: However, to be perfectly honest, I suffer from short-term memory loss.

dfs: So I was hoping you could help me out...

PuertoGurlz07: Oh haha. why?

dfs: Maybe you know how I know you...

dfs: My name is Jim, incidentally. I've visited Puerto Rico before.

PuertoGurlz07: Oh i see

dfs: Who are you? Perhaps I'll remember the name...

PuertoGurlz07: I am Alaya

dfs: Hmmm....doesn't seem to ring a bell. Do you post on any forums then? Maybe that's how...

PuertoGurlz07: No i didn't. I'm sorry

dfs: Are you Amy's friend?

PuertoGurlz07: amy?

dfs: Yes, Amy.

PuertoGurlz07: I don't know her

dfs: Damn... must be someone else...

PuertoGurlz07: Then how did u find my scn?

dfs: Living with medically diagnosed short-term memory loss is very difficult...

dfs: I'm always forgeting things.

PuertoGurlz07: not me

dfs: Well then, you are lucky.

dfs: It's horrible; I've slept with girls, and when they call me a day later, I have no idea who they are.

dfs: They often break down crying as a result.

dfs: It's terrible.

PuertoGurlz07: But i don't rememember my father at many years

PuertoGurlz07: i am peace

dfs: I remember my father; he was an alcoholic who was frequently in the county jail.

PuertoGurlz07: But i am not intersting in that

dfs: He used to get so drunk he would pass out for literally days at a time.

dfs: Hey, maybe you remember someone who had a deeply alcoholic father.

dfs: That might be me.

PuertoGurlz07: Oh excause me.. i need to see your picture please?

dfs: One moment....

dfs: http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b253/TID49/PuertoGurlzpic.jpg

dfs: Do you know who I am?

dfs: By the way, where can I see a picture of you?

dfs: Aliyeeya, was it?

PuertoGurlz07: www.myspace.com/x0xpuertoguriix0x

dfs: Well, we live in the same state...

PuertoGurlz07: u live in florida?

dfs: Yes. Palm Beach.

PuertoGurlz07: oh i see

dfs: Wait... are you really small?

PuertoGurlz07: i am not small

dfs: How tall?

PuertoGurlz07: oh don't ask me

dfs: I'm small myself.

dfs: I'm like 5' 6".

dfs: As you can see from the photo.

PuertoGurlz07: I am 5'1/2

dfs: Sorry girl, that is freaking small.

dfs: Wait a moment... did you visit some local Florida colleges?

dfs: I was the tour guide at several of them...

PuertoGurlz07: Oh look i am deaf

PuertoGurlz07: i am serious but i am hard of hearing

dfs: Wait... I remember two deaf girls that toured the local region...

dfs: You've been to Palm Beach, right?

PuertoGurlz07: No never

dfs: Was it Miami then?

dfs: I used to live there for a long time....

PuertoGurlz07: i live in kissimmee for 6 years

dfs: Wait, do you watch a bunch of anime?

PuertoGurlz07: Si

dfs: Oh, I remember you now....

dfs: I never met you myself, but a couple of my friends hanged out with you and gave me your SN...

dfs: ur friends? who?

dfs: It was either Mike, Amy, or Julie.

PuertoGurlz07: I don't know them

PuertoGurlz07: you would ask them so they might tell u

dfs: They told me about a Rican girl who was deaf and watchecd anime with them.

dfs: Who was also small.

dfs: It's probably you.

PuertoGurlz07: I am not small

PuertoGurlz07: why are you think i am small?

dfs: You said yourself you're 5' 0.5".

dfs: That's really small, honey.

PuertoGurlz07: i said 1/2

dfs: Isn't 5' 1/2" the same as "five feet and half an inch tall?"

dfs: Or is my long-term memory failing me too?

PuertoGurlz07: never mind

dfs: I'm sorry, it's just that short-term memory loss is so hard to cope with.

PuertoGurlz07: that's fine

dfs: It's a daily battle.... like "Memento".

dfs: You seen that film?

PuertoGurlz07: No

PuertoGurlz07: Why are you talk with me for?

dfs: It's about someone who loses his entire memory every single new day...

dfs: That's me...

PuertoGurlz07: how old are u?

dfs: 20. And yourself?

PuertoGurlz07: i am 14 year old. i need to leave u alone

dfs: Why?

PuertoGurlz07: because i had a lil headache

dfs: Okay.

dfs: Have a nice day, thanks for the information.

Little League Coach Paid Player $25 to Beat up Mentally Retarded Eight Year Old Teammate...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050715/ap_on_re_us/young_player_hurt

The Great Breast Implant Robbery

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - Armed bandits in Brazil robbed a vehicle carrying more than 400 breast implants, officials said on Tuesday.

"It happened last week, but we only learned about it recently as our clients started complaining. It is the hottest period of the year in terms of implant sales," said Margaret Figueiredo, director of silicone implant manufacturer Silimed.

A spokesman for the state Postal Service confirmed that assailants, apparently men, robbed the postal van with implants on Thursday night in Rio de Janeiro. Each Silimed breast implant costs nearly $400.

Figueiredo explained demand is the highest in July, during the southern hemisphere winter, as women schedule surgery during the winter school holidays, which precede the beach season.

Figueiredo said the implants, each bearing an individual number, could now only be sold for clandestine surgeries.

The Ultimate Elderly, Crazy Cat Lady

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - About 300 cats, nearly a third of them dead, were removed from an elderly woman's Virginia home after neighbors complained of a stench coming from the house, police said on Tuesday.

The house, less than a mile from late President George Washington's historic Mount Vernon estate, looked neat from the outside with manicured lawns and bright flowers, but inside it was overflowing with wild cats, feces and urine.

"Cats were coming out of the cabinets and drawers and were inside the walls. There were hundreds of them," Fairfax County Police officer Richard Henry told Reuters.

He said animal control officers removed 273 cats -- 86 of them dead -- over the weekend and slapped a condemnation order on the door of the house. The woman, her husband and daughter were told to leave.

Later on, Henry said, the woman returned and attempted to smuggle an additional 30 cats from the house. These animals were confiscated, bringing the total to more than 300.

Ruth Knueven, 82, was charged with failing to care for her animals and of improperly disposing of them. Dozens of dead cats were found in plastic bins around the house.

Most of the cats were inbred and sick and were unfit for adoption, said Henry. "These were feral cats who were given free range of the house and almost all of them will, unfortunately, have to be put down," he said.

63 Year Old Grandmother Plans to Retire from the Prostitution Business Soon

BERLIN (Reuters) - A Berlin grandmother who has worked the city's diplomatic quarter as a prostitute for the last 49 years plans to retire when she turns 64 next year, according to Germany's Bild newspaper.

Even though prostitutes were forced to leave the area after the Berlin Wall, fell because dead-end streets in the downtrodden district were re-connected to east Berlin and property values surged, Renate Dolle was allowed to stay, Bild said.

"I've got a lot of regular clients," the blonde woman told the newspaper, pictured wearing a short red mini skirt and high-heeled white boots as she stood near the Japanese embassy. She said she charges 30 euros ($36) and on good nights she has four to five clients.

"I'm going to stop at 64 and retire," said Dolle, whose husband drops her off for work each night after the television evening news and who has a nine-year-old granddaughter.

She is one of 10,000 prostitutes in Berlin and 400,000 in Germany, where prostitution is legal. Dolle said she tried to work in a popular red light district nearby recently but was chased away by younger competitors.

"What do you want here, you old whore, get lost," Dolle said they shouted at her. "What did I ever do to them?"

Man Sues for Right to Be Drunk

BOSTON - A man arrested when police showed up to break up a New Year's Eve party at a friend's house has filed a lawsuit, arguing he had a constitutional right to get drunk on private property as long as he didn't cause a public disturbance.

Eric Laverriere, 25, of Portland, Maine, was taken into protective custody by Waltham police and locked in a cell for nine hours until the effects of the alcohol wore off.

Legal experts said his lawsuit, filed this week in U.S. District Court in Boston, is the first to challenge a state law allowing police to lock up drunk people against their will for their own protection.

Laverriere argues that the Massachusetts Protective Custody Law was written to combat public drunkenness and that the police had no right to use it to take him from a private residence. He also says he had planned to spend the night at his friend's and wasn't going to be driving anywhere.

"One thing people should be able to do is drink in their own house," Laverriere told The Boston Globe. "That's the beauty of the land of the free."

Attorney Leonard Kesten, who has defended police departments in civil-rights cases, said if officers are investigating a crime or responding to an incident and discover that someone is drunk and posing a danger, they are obligated to take that person into protective custody.

Laverriere said that he drank several beers, but wasn't drunk, when officers arrived at his friend's duplex saying someone had thrown bottles at a passing police cruiser.

When the partygoers denied throwing bottles, Laverriere said, the officers became angry, prompting him to pick up a friend's camera and start videotaping. Laverriere told the Globe that Officer Jorge Orta ripped the camera from his hands and threw him to the floor, injuring his shoulder.

One police report says that Laverriere appeared intoxicated and expressed "displeasure" at being told he had to leave the party. He was then taken into custody. The report says he fell to the floor while resisting Orta's efforts to handcuff him.

(KIMaster's comment-Bullshit!)

I'm Proud to be Russian

This student embodies everything prestigious and grand about the country I was born in;

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A young Russian man who dressed in women's clothes to take an exam for his sister was caught after his oversize bust gave him away, Interfax news agency reported Monday.

The youth's "unusually prominent female features," and heavy make-up drew security guards' attention and they stopped him from taking the test, Yasen Zasursky, dean of Moscow State University's journalism faculty, told the agency.

The Redneck Games!

EAST DUBLIN, Ga. - In his garage, Melvin Davis keeps 230 trophies he's won racing motorcycles, go-karts and pickup trucks. But he's best known for a sport that earned him four trophies topped with crushed Bud Lite cans.

"Yeah, looking back on it I'm proud. But when I done it I felt a little silly," said Davis, 68. "People were going, `There's the bobbing-for-pigs-feet champion!'"

Bobbing for pig feet, the mudpit belly-flop, the armpit serenade — they're all part of the
Redneck Games, a series of good ole'ympic events for the ain't-so-athletic celebrating their 10th year in middle Georgia.

Started as a Southern-fried spoof of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, with a propane torch lighting a ceremonial barbecue grill, the gag games draw tourists like moths to a backyard bug-zapper.
Organizers estimate 95,000 attended the July event during its first decade in East Dublin, a rural pit stop of 2,500 residents between Macon and Savannah.

What started as a gathering of about 500 during the 1996 Olympics ballooned to 10,000 by 2001 and reached an estimated 15,000 last year. More are expected when the 10th Annual Redneck Games are held next Saturday.

"It's hard to put your finger on why it blew up to what it was," said Jeff Kidd, program director for WQZY, the country radio station that cooked up the Redneck Games as an Olympic publicity stunt.

It worked. Media coverage from MTV to London's BBC has beamed word of the games around the globe.

"We have families do their reunions around the Redneck Games. We've had weddings in the past," Kidd said. "I don't think anybody takes it that seriously. Everybody has fun with it, and that's what it's all about."

The actual events, which have changed little over the years, hew to self-deprecating stereotypes and backwoods bawdiness.

The mudpit belly-flop judges contestants on their flabby form and sonic splat as they drop gut-first into muddy water, splattering nearby spectators.

The armpit serenade rates children on their musical skills pumping air through a damp hand beneath their underarm. The 12-year-old winner in 2000 squeezed out a recognizable rendition of "Dixie."

There's also hubcap hurling — think junkyard discus — and redneck horseshoes, played with toilet seats. The most competitive sport, however, is bobbing for pig feet, where contenders dunk their heads in tubs of water to see how fast they can remove raw pork shanks with their teeth.

Davis, a retired state bridge inspector, won the title in the Redneck Games' first four years, and has been trying to reclaim it ever since. His record, he says, was clearing seven pig feet in 13 seconds. His secret: bite for the tip of the hoof, not the flesh.

"Being that they're frozen, you can't grab them by the shank part, so you've got to get it by the toes," Davis said. "Now, there ain't many people who want to stick their head in a tank of water and get a raw, frozen pig's foot out of it, after what they've been walking through."

Davis has no problem describing himself as a redneck. He has a dog named Bubba. He loves to eat fried rabbit. His Chevy pickup has a homemade hood ornament of an anatomically correct bulldog (unquestionably male).

Still, he's flummoxed that the Redneck Games have found such a large audience.

"They're so dang silly," Davis said. "Every year it's so hot, four or five people fall down from heat exhaustion. All they've got is porta-potties, and they smell so bad you've got to hold your breath until you get out."

Frank L. Fraser, publisher of Redneck World magazine, sees the games as another example —
alongside the popularity of country music,

"When I first started, a redneck is a guy whose dadgum hobby is hanging people from trees," said Fraser, who estimates his magazine has 350,000 readers in 43 states. "Most rednecks I know are just hard-working people who like barbecues and the outdoors."

Kidd says some locals, "the country-club people," have looked down on the Redneck Games as giving Laurens County a backward image of dirt roads and outhouses.

Many have stopped sneering, he said, because its hard to bash proceeds from the $5 admission going to the East Dublin Lions Club and the economic spillover to local businesses.

Willie Paulk, president of the Laurens County Chamber of Commerce, said no economic impact studies have been done on the Redneck Games, though she says it's the third-largest public event in the county, behind the St. Patrick's Day celebration in neighboring Dublin and the Possum Hollow arts and crafts festival in nearby Dexter.

"While we appreciate the novelty of the Redneck Games, I don't think it should be looked at as the sole determinant in labeling a county," Paulk said. "So far it hasn't stopped our industries from locating here, which is wonderful."