The Drunk Reviewer

A week ago, I consumed more than was legal or good for me at a party. Upon arriving home at 1:15 am, I felt bored.

I decided to write Yahoo! movie reviews.

Afterwards, I logged into my alternate accounts to rank the reviews as "helpful". Thanks to this, my expert opinions were the first ones viewers saw when they clicked on "Yahoo! User reviews".

Here's an approximation of what I wrote;

KIMasteronHostage

Comparing "Hostage" to a classic action film like "Die Hard" is like comparing the fighting prowess of Jet Li to that of a six-year old quadriplegic.

Speaking of quadrieplegics, watching the film was about as entertaining as three of them fighting. Or shitting themselves for that matter.

Films this horrid can ruin thirty-year marriages, cause insanity, internal hemorrhaging, and death. Avoid this film like you would prostate cancer.

KIMasteronRobots

Sick perverts.

That is the only description I can offer regarding legally sane adults that watch this film.

Is it the cleverly subtle ass, sex, and shitting jokes that get them off? Is it watching a hairless midget with chopped off breasts pretend to be a sexy she-robot in an animated cartoon?

No one can be certain about perverts.

If you are one of the sick adult fucks reading this, I hope you suffer the fate of Randle McMurphy in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

For an entire day, these reviews were on the front page.

Then, they were deleted and I received a stern warning from Yahoo! in one of my e-mail accounts.